The millennial age is upon us. We are millennial's. My name is Samantha and I was born in 1993, which makes me a part of Generation Y, or as my father (a member of Generation X) likes to say "Generation 'Why'" meaning we are always asking "why?" Well I have come to the conclusion that he is absolutely right. We do ask that question, be it to authority or to ourselves, we are always asking "why?" Why do we have to wake up early for work? Why is the world round? Why do we live the way we do and not like other countries? We live in an age where we have discovered a lot of things to be facts, but the question is "why?" One of these "why" questions is, "Why should I get married?"
For some of us girls we have never fully questioned getting married one day. Most of us have been dreaming about our wedding days since we were very young. Some of us, myself included, played dress up and pretended to walk down the aisle to the classic "Here Comes the Bride" tune when we were three years old. The question we should be asking ourselves, is what is marriage? Why do people get married?
Marriage is a tradition that dates back well before the marriage license and the legality of becoming wed. Marriages before this time were not simply done because two people loved each other. Marriages actually started out simply as a form of bond servitude for a woman. Now note: I said bond servitude, which by definition still means a slave but, she was not bought and she doesn't wear shackles. It is more of a contract between the man and the woman's father, that he will take care of this woman until she dies and she will bare children so that both of their families will live on. Now back in these times every pair of hands was useful. Men were hunters and shepherds, woman were housewives, caregivers, cooks, and gatherers. For a man to give up one of his hands to be married to another man, it would cost something. In biblical times Isaac was a servant to a man for 7 years before he could marry the woman he loved, and in the end he was deceived. For some men it meant giving up a portion of his livestock, and for others it would even mean that they stayed with the woman's family and became another set of hands for that family. Marriage was not something that was born out of love, but more something that was born out of survival. This does not mean that the men and woman of this time did not love each other. They were bound by contract that they would live out their lives together. Wherever he goes, she goes.
Later on, when civilizations began to flourish and the era of Monarchies began, marriage became a sign of partnership and uniting of two separate families. Whether you were royalty, nobility, or even a commoner, people married for status and property. Dowries were invented at this time where instead of just the suitor providing something to the marriage, the woman was now expected to have something to give. Now of course the woman did not own anything, it would be her father who would have to provide the dowry. Dowries would consist of either money, status, or property or a combination of the three. This meant that typically the wealthy would only marry the wealthy, the property owners would only marry other property owners or trade wealth for property, and the people of status would only marry those with status, money, or property. Kings married Queens, Princes married Princesses, and Princesses married anyone with a high enough status. Now what about the commoner? Well it was not necessarily forbidden for a person of common blood to marry someone of status, they would have had to be very much in love and willing to risk everything. Commoners were the only people who could marry without worry of money, status, or property because they had none to give. They were aloud to choose a marriage of love.
It was during this time in which a legal document, known as a marriage license, became the only way to truly get married. The marriage license and marriage laws became active around the year 1100 in England. The church at the time deemed them necessary as a form of contract between the two families that the trade between the wealth, property, and/or status would be upheld. It is basically a piece of paper that not only states that these 2 people were bound by God and the law, but also so that the two families could not go back on what was promised. What this did was made the choosing of a bride or suitor more difficult because before this, the men would just shake hands on it, the couple would get married and then what? No money. So now the father of the bride and the suitor would have written documents stating the terms of the marriage and if it was agreed upon they would then take the documents to the Clergy who would then create a marriage license containing the agreed upon terms. The men would then sign the document. If either party would go back on their word they would have to answer to a court, this sometimes lead to an annulment. This is also during the time in which the idea of divorce became a practice. Still very much shunned upon, it would happen. The men would walk away embarrassed and the woman would walk away to be completely shunned by society and looked down upon for the rest of her life, even if it wasn't her fault.
Fast forward to now. Marriage licenses are still in effect but not in the same way as the 12th-19th century. Marriage licenses are no longer the right of the church but the right of the state which is why we now have to apply for them at the city halls rather than the church. (Even though they still need to be signed by someone who is ordained, either as a minister or a judge, or someone you know who has gone through the proper application.) It is no longer a contract between families for wealth, status or property, however it is a contract between the couple that states that whatever belongs to the individual now belongs to both the husband and the wife. This meaning that if the couple is to divorce, for whatever reason, the assets are then split between them (either in a civil manner or in a brutal court session). Now many couples, especially those who are wealthy, do not like this and came up with the idea of a "Prenuptial Agreement". A Prenuptial Agreement (or prenup) is an agreement signed by both parties that all assets acquired by the individuals prior to marriage will remain owned by the individual if the marriage is to fail (see https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/prenuptial-agreements-overview-29569.html for more details.) In a nut shell, this means that everyone keeps their own stuff. If a couple decides to go in on something however, with both of their names on it, it is still a matter of splitting these assets.
If I had to give you one good reason why I believe people these days should really ask themselves if they want to even get married, it would be the idea of divorce. Now, you may be thinking, "We love each other, and even if we were to get divorced I am pretty sure it will be easy to split up our assets." You are being naive (again, my opinion). No one decides to get into a marriage thinking that they will one day go through a divorce (unless they are a gold-digger and convinced their SO not to get a prenup). This is where us as millennial's come in with our constant asking "WHY?" We have seen people get divorces, some of us have even watched our parents get a divorce. We have seen celebrity couples get married one year and divorced the next. We have been made to see that marriage is NO LONGER A LIFETIME COMMITMENT. Divorce is too easy these days. So many of us have decided to stay legally "single" and stay with our SO's as boyfriend and girlfriend (Or you whatever you choose to label, or not label, yourselves as) and enter into a domestic partnership. No legal papers, no divorce, if you break up it is not like you signed a contract stating that you have promised to stay together for the rest of your lives, and your assets stay your assets. And best of all (so long as you are living somewhere that recognizes domestic partnerships) you can have all the same government benefits as a legally married couple.
So why get married and risk all of the above stated drama?
Being married comes with its own ups and downs. There are legal benefits to being a married couple (google it). Most importantly however, the benefit of marriage is that you now have a best friend, literally forever. It means companionship. You two against the world. Yes, some marriages do not work out but, if you are willing to make it work and put in the time, they really do last a life time.
I hope this helps you if you are having mixed feelings about marriage. Just remember, its okay to ask "Why?"
Thanks for reading and have a fantastic day!
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